Project Ako Next Generation 3: Ain't Love Grand?
by Atana
Summary: Captain goes middle age coocoo and Arisa finds an Earthling boyfriend, Kei Yuki's little brother! It's Mood Swing City when Hikaru has the misfortune to peek in the latest Victoria's CyberSecret lingerie catalog!


**About the "Project A-ko: The Next Generation" Fanfiction Series **

**by Atana **

_**Project A-ko was a popular Japanese animation film series begun in 1986. It featured a rivalry between two schoolgirls – Eiko Magami (A-ko) and Biko Daitokuji (B-ko) over the friendship of a third student, Shiiko Kotobuki (C-ko). It was a parody of existing anime series of the day. For example, the super-strong A-ko is the daughter of Superman and Wonder Woman. B-ko is a mechanical genius who whips up huge mecha (enormous humanoid machines) overnight. C-ko turns out to be an alien princess.**_

_**The last half of the first movie parodied the Captain Harlock anime series. Piloting the alien craft sent to find C-ko is a female version of Harlock, one Captain Napolipolita (pronounced Nap-oh-lee-po-LEE-tah). Unfortunately, she is an alcoholic who surely would have come to a bad end had it not been for the support of Spy D, another Alpha Cygnan soldier who watches over her.**_

_**The series ending shows the Captain lying in an alley, her ship and self-confidence destroyed. I decided to sober her up, give her a billionaire husband (her former rival), and a family of amazon daughters. Originally appearing as a graphic novel, my stories include new characters as well as the old -- so dig in and spend some time in my wacky little Project A-Ko universe!**_

_**Thanks for visiting and happy reading!**_

**Project A-ko - The Next Generation 3: **

**"Ain't Love Grand?" or "How Can you Love Me When **

**I'm Driving You Crazy?" **

**by Atana**

_**We open to a shot of the front of Graviton City Girls High School. In the background, Akana Napolipolita-Daitokuji is chasing with a loaded pulse rifle three teenage boys in school uniforms. **_

_**Akana: DIE, EARTH PIGS! **_

_**Tormentor #1 is skipping and waving his arms, as if on stage. The song he loudly sings is to the tune of 'DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?' **_

**Tormentor #1: DO YOU KNOW YOUR MUM'S A MAN, YOUR MUM'S A MAN, YOUR MUM'S A MAN_...(Note: I, the author's daughter, supplied her w/ this schoolyard song! Heh heh...) _**

**Tormentors #2 and #3 have wised up and are sprinting ahead of the singer. **

**Tormentor #3: RUN! SHE'S PACKING A PULSE RIFLE! **

_**Two young schoolgirls are watching. **_

**Schoolgirl #1: They're bugging Akana again. Dumb. **

**Schoolgirl #2: Don't they know Cygnans start their military training at age 3? **

_**In the foreground, Kei Yuki's younger brother, Akira, approaches Arisa Napolipolita-Daitokuji, who is wearing a tennis dress and carrying a racket. He is even cuter than his older brother, and has a full head of hair, too. **_

**Akira: Uh -- hi. I'm Akira Yuki. Want a "COLA"? **

**Arisa (thinking): Hmmmm...he's kind of cute. **

_**Even closer in the foreground are the principals of Graviton City Girls and Boys High Schools, respectively. The gentleman is a nice-looking young man with dark hair and glasses. **_

**Shirasaka Sensei: I hope our field day is a success, Headmistress Ayumi. **

**Ayumi Sensei: So do I, Headmaster Shirasaka. (To herself) Hmmm...he's kind of cute. **

**---------- **

_**Shot of Akira and Arisa. She is sipping her soda and giving him goo-goo eyes. **_

**Arisa (to herself): Hot damn, he IS cute... **

**Akira: You're Arisa Daitokuji, aren't you? Didn't you babysit my niece and nephew once -- blew them into hyperspace, as I recall --. Hey, want to go to the movies Saturday night? **

**Arisa (delighted but hiding it well): Uh, yeah..sure.**

**---------- **

_**Shot of Arisa having a heart-to-heart with Captain, who is in her CAA Director-General uniform and standing at attention, saluting at something out of view. **_

**Arisa: Ma, what do you do when you think you like a boy? **

**Cap: Tackle him. If he doesn't respond, you're wasting your time. (Polite pause) Ahhh...sweetie. Mama's reviewing the troops right now. **

**Arisa: Can I go to the movies with Kei Yuki's brother Akira next Saturday night? **

**Cap: Hmmm. I guess that would be okay. They're nice people. **

**Arisa (thinking): YES! **

**---------- **

_**Shot of Arisa's bedroom. She is trying on a new outfit. Akana stands to her left with her pulse rifle, a sour expression on her face. Little Kazushi clings to her knees (her mother is at work). Atina and B-Ko are also in attendance. **_

**Arisa (thrilled): HOW'S THIS? **

**Atina: It's awfully Earth. **

**Bko: It's nice, but lose the shades. **

**Akana: FORGET IT. BOYS ARE PIGS. **

**Kazushi (to herself): Boys pigs? **

**Shiiko Daitokuji (out of view): DADDY! AKANA HAS A PULSE RIFLE IN THE HOUSE! **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "Arisa prepares for her big date...while Director- General Napolipolita-Daitokuji attends the bimonthly strategy session held by the United Earth Alliance Command - -" **_

_**Mr. Director Yashida is standing very straight and looking very impressive, discussing important military matters with his subordinates. Captain is behind him at a table, looking at a schematic. She is obviously irritated at Yashida and the world in general. **_

**Yashida: Frankly, our Earth defenses are weak. I suggest that we strengthen our Web-System and add another fleet to our current airborne command system. **

**Officer: Excellent suggestion, sir. **

**Cap (thinking, in response to Yashida's statement): Frankly, Sweetcakes, a monkey armed with a peashooter riding a ten-cent balloon could bring down this entire pathetic male-dominated planet in about twenty minutes --- **

_**The other officers murmur their assent to Yashida's statement. Captain, however, whips around and sticks her index finger in his face. **_

**Cap (baring her teeth): NO. It's NOT an "excellent suggestion." Any Earthbound DUMBHEAD could CLEARLY see that we need more detection capabilities, not more hardware. GOT IT? **

**Yashida (taken aback): Uhhh -- . Always glad to hear from the Central Astro Agency. (To himself) Is she hitting the sauce again? **

**---------- **

_**The two walk down the hall after the meeting. **_

**Yashida: Aysha! Are you all right? **

**Cap: Buzz off, Larry. I don't want to hear it (sniff). **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "The workplace is clearly a disaster .. and it doesn't get any better at home." **_

_**Shot of Captain in a towel, standing on the scale in her luxurious bathroom (well, one of them, anyway). As in B- Ko's bathroom, there is an ornate mirror and vanity with Hikaru's face incorporated within the design elements. **_

_**She is surrounded by daughters. Atina has her by the shoulders, trying to comfort her. Shiiko has her around her waist, hugging her with pure love. Kazushi is sitting on the floor, sucking her thumb. Mitsuko stands only halfway into the room, in case she needs to make a hasty retreat. Arisa and Akana are in the foreground. **_

_**The scale informs Captain that she weighs 160 pounds. Of course, she is also nearly six feet tall. **_

**Cap (anguished): FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT! Five MORE pounds! ARGHHHH! **

**Shiiko: No, BEAUTIFUL. **

**Atina: Take it easy, Ma -- what do you expect after eight kids? **

**Kazushi (thinking): Mama flipping out? **

**Arisa: Ma, you look good, you really do. I mean, you're not HUGE or anything. Uh, you look good for someone as OLD as you...(trying to be helpful but clearly stepping in it). **

**Akana: WILL YOU SHUT UP? **

_**Captain crosses her arms over her head and begins to wail loudly, threatening to shatter the ornate mirrors. **_

**Cap: YAAAAAAAAH! GO AWAY! YOU ALL DRIVE ME NUTS! BOO HOO HOO! **

_**The younger girls immediately scatter. **_

**Mitsuko: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! **

**Kazushi: Waaah! **

**Arisa: Ma's losing it. **

**Atina: Oh, wow. RUN FOR IT! **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "The entire household is thrown into pandemonium due to the Captain's inexplicable behavior--" **_

_**Closeup shot of Hikaru with a dazed expression, sweat flying from his brow anime-style. Captain has her arms around his neck; he is rapidly patting her on the back. **_

**Cap:WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I LOOK SO AWFUL! WHY DID I HAVE ALL THOSE KIDS? EVERYTHING I OWN IS HEADING SOUTH! AND WHY DID I DRINK SO MUCH AND GET CROW'S FEET FROM TRYING NOT TO SEE DOUBLE? HOW CAN YOU STILL STAND TO LOOK AT ME? HOW COME I DON'T JUST FLOP DOWN IN THE GUTTER AND DIE? **

**Hikaru (to himself): oh no. **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "The kids just don't understand -- and neither does the husband..." **_

_**Captain, Kazushi, Akana, and Alana are in front of the mirror. Captain (who, you understand, looks fine all along) is holding up her heavy mane as if to whack it off at any minute. **_

**Cap: NEW HAIRDO? PLASTIC SURGERY? ANTI-DEPRESSANTS? HYDRAULIC LIFTS? A BAG OVER MY HEAD? **

**Kazushi (hanging around Ma's neck, speaking softly): Pretty. **

**Alana (primping): Face it, Ma. You're not 30 any more. **

**Akana (smearing a lipstick over her mouth): Is this what I have to look forward to? **

_**Hikaru is in his smoking jacket in the background, gripping his head with his hands. He is trembling. **_

**Hikaru (to anyone who will listen): I wish I was still working so I could go to the office! **

**---------- **

_**Shot of the ornate Napolipolita-Daitokuji bed. Hikaru is intently gazing at the latest edition of the Victoria's Cyber-Secret catalogue. Captain is tickling his ear. It is obvious she has more on her mind than a good night's sleep. **_

**Cap (pointing to a catalogue page): Hikaru-Sama -- are you going to buy that for ME? **

**Hikaru (without thinking): Well, actually, I was just looking at the models. **

**---------- **

_**Shot of the two out on the bedroom window balcony. Hikaru, in his pajamas, is flying through the night sky following a resounding "BAM!" Captain, in her Vic's nightie, has kicked him off the balcony in her best martial-arts form. **_

**Cap: SLEEP IN THE BACK YARD, YOU CREEP ! **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "The next morning..." **_

_**Captain is seen in her kimono, hands contorted into claws, shrieking. **_

**Cap: OKAY, NOW WHICH PIG LEFT THE MESS IN THE BATHROOM? **

**Akana (in her school uniform, thundering down the hallway): Out of my way, Arisa! **

**Arisa (ditto): Thank the Great Mother that it's a school day! RUN FOR THE LIMO! **

**---------- **

_**Captain's mood has now swung the other way. She is hugging her beleagered husband around the waist and has placed her head on his shoulder. He is clearly agitated. **_

**Cap: Awww sweetie .. I'm REALLY sorry about booting you off the balcony last night.. **

**Hikaru (to himself): That's the last time I ever open a Victoria's Cyber-Secret catalogue! But...then again...maybe I could special-order a spandex-and- lace STRAITJACKET... **

**Arisa: Poor Ma's gone mental. What can we do? OWCH! **

**Kazushi (who is holding onto Arisa by her hair): Sigh. **

**Atina: Clean up the bathroom, I guess. **

_**Shiiko and Mitsuko are white with anxiety. They can't understand what has happened to their beloved Ma. Shiiko has buried her face against Akana, who has historically resented her. **_

**Shiiko: Boo Hoo! Mama! **

**Akana (stroking the little girl's hair): Ok, ok. I guess I like you a little, Earth brat. **

_**Alana stands in the foreground. Her slanted eyes are heavily outlined, and her extremely long green hair is done up in a side ponytail Cygnan-style. **_

**Alana: Can't wait to get back to school. War games sound restful next to this! **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "Still reeling from impact shock, Hikaru takes Aysha to a gala social event..." **_

_**Hikaru, in the background, is talking to a young woman in a slinky black gown. Captain is in the foreground holding a glass. Her hair is done up in a beaded semi-upsweep and she wears a low-cut strapless dress. Her looks are more Earth than Cygnan tonight. She is furious. **_

**Hikaru (to the femme fatale): YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK **

**Captain (to herself): I look stupid, and my hair looks stupid, and this dress is stupid, and if he talks to that pigface with the tiny butt over there for five more seconds I'm going to rip his face off. (Looking at her drink) And thank the Great Mother that this is tonic water...otherwise he'd REALLY have something to worry about! **

_**Shot of D entering our view. Her appearance has also been softened. She wears a black gown and a black headband; her hair is longer via Earth but still punk via Alpha Cygni. **_

**Cap (weeping, her evening ruined): OHHHHHHHHH D! ALL MY YOUNG AND CUTE YEARS ARE GONE! **

**D (giving her a reality slap): Uh...my Captain. You were young, but you weren't cute. You were drunk out of your mind. **

**Cap: (Oh yeah -- I forgot.) **

_**Shot of Captain with her face in her hands. Her dress is -- uh, a little tight. **_

**Cap: Maybe I'm going nuts, D...I hate everyone and everything and I'm turning into a COW. **

**D (a huge woman, thunderstruck): Excuse me, but did she just complain about her SIZE? (Aloud) Uh. This happens. But you've got great kids, you're practically in charge of the military, and women all over the country stand ready to grind your face into the mud in order to get to Hikaru. Just roll with it. **

**Cap: I intend to -- but everybody I know may be dead by then! (Sob!) **

**---------- **

_**Closeup of D's frowning face. Hikaru and Aysha are in the background, walking away. **_

**Cap (convulsed with tears): YOU LIKED THAT SKINNY YOUNG GIRL YOU DON'T LOVE ME I'M TOO FAT AND OLD AND BOO HOO HOO HOO **

**Hikaru (his arm around her, waving his other hand as if to indicate some grand plan): Just wait until your birthday and see what surprises I have for you...don't cry...(please!)..shhhh! **

**D: Oh boy. Nothing is worse than Cygnan middle-age crazy! **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "Meanwhile, the big day arrives--! (well, practically...) **_

_**Shot of Arisa, adorned in her school uniform and Cygnan shades, is skipping around in the schoolyard. Two of her friends, holding their satchels, watch her, smiling. **_

**Friend #1: I haven't seen Arisa so happy since she came to Graviton City ... **

**Friend #2: Lucky girl -- wouldn't YOU be? **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "B-Ko waxes jealous.." **_

**Bko (in a snit): HMMH. How come these skinny green-haired alien girls have a better social life than I do? **

_**Akana, in typical little sister fashion, is dancing around the room waving her arms and singing. Both Arisa and Kazushi are lying on the bed, their long legs in the air. **_

**Akana: AKIRA'S GOING TO KISS HER-- OH PUKE PUKE PUKE--- **

**Arisa: I hope he does --Great Mother, is he CUTE! **

**Kazushi: Wheeee! **

**Arisa (getting up and skipping around the room herself): SO EXCITED I COULD DIE, SO EXCITED I COULD DIE, SO EXCITED I COULD DIE --- YA HA HA HA HA---- **

**Akana (in foreground, disgusted): Oh, gag me! **

**---------- **

_**Shot of the family seeing off the couple on their date. Captain and Hikaru are standing in the background. Kazushi is in her arms; Mitsuko is gripping her leg and eyeing Akira, the stranger, with suspicion. Shiiko, wearing a 1950's-type skirt bearing the slogan "Rock Around the Clock", is hanging on to Dad (just for a change of pace). Akana is in the foreground with the nicely-dressed couple, tormenting them. **_

**Akira: Glad to meet you. **

**Hikaru (to himself, thinking of Kei/Ayumi wedding fiasco): Hope he isn't the dolt his brother was. **

**Cap: SNIFF. Another bird leaves the nest. **

**Shiiko (thinking): So that's what a "date" is. **

**Kazushi (making the connection and pointing): BOY PIG! **

**Akana (in a loud stage whisper): (IF HE KISSES YOU, TRY NOT TO BARF.) **

**Arisa (in her pretty new outfit, minus the Cygnan shades): I'll be home by eleven (SHUT UP AKANA I'M GOING TO KILL YOU). **

**---------- **

_**Shot of the interior of a movie theatre. On the screen, we see Ranma whacking "Col.Sanders" in the back of the head with a pair of nunchakus. **_

**Female audience member: EEEEK! Get him, Ranma! **

_**Closeup of Arisa's row. Two couples sit on each side of them. On the left is the squealing girl with a boy who looks suspiciously like Mendo from the Lum series. On the right is...you guessed it..! Miss Ayumi and the headmaster of the boys' high school! **_

_**Akira has his arm around Arisa's neck. **_

**Arisa (to herself, starry-eyed): Forget the Cygnan tackling business, Ma...this helpless Earth-girl routine works just fine! **

**Shirasaka Sensei: Uh...Headmistress Ayumi ... I find you extremely --- uhh -- attractive... **

**Ayumi Sensei: Mr. Shirasaka, remember we are educators and role models --- (to herself) TEE HEE OH BOY! **

**---------- **

_**Shot of the exterior of the ND mansion. Akira and Arisa are holding each other's hands. **_

**Akira (smitten): I had a great time, Arisa. Want to go to our school dance? **

**Arisa (smitten): Sure. My mom's birthday party is scheduled for late next month..would you like to be my guest (to herself) (PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE)? **

**Akira: You knew I would. **

_**He kisses her. **_

**Arisa (thinking): Great Mother, my heart will stop! **

**---------- **

_**Arisa is now inside, her head against Ma's chest. Captain has her arm around her. **_

**Arisa (still in a swoon): Ma, do you remember your first love? **

**Cap (to herself): Unfortunately, baby, I was too drunk. **

**---------- **

_**Caption: "Ma's birthday party arrives..." **_

_**Shot of a spectacular party scene. There is a seven-foot tall cake on the right, which is decorated with the Cygnan daisy motif and the slogan "Happy Birthday Aysheia Lisia". It also has an exact replica of the Spaceship balanced on the top of the Earth Defense Force Command Center/Second Generation Egota spire, on the top of the cake. **_

_**Hikaru and Aysha stand before a large crowd of beautifully-dressed guests. He holds what looks like a jewelry box in his right hand. With his left, he is holding Captain's right hand. She is using her left hand to cover her face. **_

**Hikaru (grandly, and in his finest histrionic manner): Thank you all for coming. As you know, for fourteen years I looked for the perfect woman.. it never occurred to me that I was looking in the wrong solar system...and today we celebrate Aysha's 36th birthday... **

**Cap: Please let me die now. **

**Woman guest #1: Isn't that nice? **

**Man guest #1: I understand that the first time he saw her, she was passed out face-down in a punchbowl-- **

**Woman guest #2: Why does she sound like a guy? **

**Woman guest #3: What's wrong with Earth women, Daitokuji? **

**Woman guest #4: Her dress looks like ten pounds of mud in a five pound sack... **

**Woman guest #5: Meeeooow! **

**Man guest #2: Alien golddigger! **

**Woman guest #6: Wish my husband had biceps like hers. **

**Ayumi Sensei (to her date): Aren't they cute? **

**Shirasaka Sensei (not quite daring to speak out loud): YOU'RE cute. **

**---------- **

_**Hikaru stands behind Captain and places a gorgeous necklace around her neck. It is beyond exquisite. **_

**Hikaru: ..and so I'm presenting her with a PLATINUM NECKLACE with THIRTY-SIX PERFECT TWO-CARAT DIAMONDS and EIGHTEEN of the world's rarest EMERALDS...to match her hair! **

**Woman guest #1: Yikes! **

**Woman guest #2: Boo hoo! **

**Woman guest #3: Why her, Lord? **

**Woman guest #4: Snotty intergalactic cow! **

**Woman guest #5: Gimme! **

**Woman guest #6: That's SO fine... **

**Cap (raising one eyebrow and looking sidelong at Hikaru): Oooh oooh oooh good boy **

**---------- **

_**Shot of a happy party scene..everyone is there. On the left, Mari Azawa is introducing D to a huge Sumo wrestler, who is grinning broadly at her. D's eyes are extremely wide. **_

**Mari: D, this is Hideo Azawa -- my brother-in-law. **

**Hideo: Charmed. I LOVE big-boned gals... **

**Kazushi (hanging around her father's neck, just for a change of pace): Mama happy! **

**Akana: Don't forget your "little baby"! **

**Bko (livid): All I got for my birthday was 100,000 shares of DFG stock! **

**Alana: Way to go, Ma! **

**Ako (turning angrily on Kei-kun): WHERE' S MY platinum necklace, you bozo? **

**Kei: Oh! **

**Hikaru (to himself): This ought to chill her out for a while... **

**Cap (smug, wearing her necklace): Just wait until I tell him we're expecting TWINS...ha! ha! **

**---------- **

_**Close-up shot of Arisa, Akira, and Atina. **_

**Arisa: Wonder if Ma is over her midlife crisis..(maybe she'll let me wear that necklace to the Graviton Boys High School dance!) **

**Atina: We'll know if she doesn't pitch Dad off the balcony tonight.**

**---------- **

_**Spectacular shot of the rising moon on the cupola of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion. The stars glitter in the clear sky. Hikaru and Captain are snuggled on the armrail. **_

**Cap: I wandered them for so many years...the endless sea of stars. **

**Hikaru (to himself): One for each daughter I'm destined to have ...sigh! **

_**Three of the Cygnettes are in the foreground, their arms around each other. All are giggling. **_

**Atina: What I want to know is how come you got the cute guy instead of me...you are so obnoxious... **

**Arisa: Because I'm great and you stink. **

**Akana: Ma and Dad are getting sloppy again -- **

**Arisa (thinking): Ah. NOW I understand. **

**THE END **

_**Tune in next time for Project A-Ko the Next Generation 8: "Baby Baby" or "Two Weddings and No Funeral..." Good thing the Napolipolita-Daitokuji family lives in a mansion -- with all those kids, it's full to bursting! Miss Ayumi FINALLY gets married -- and D falls for a handsome (and enormous) Sumo wrestler. Captain and Mari square off -- and B-Ko breaks out the ol' Akagiyama 23 Power Biosuit. It's a real Amazon slugfest, and you're invited! **_


End file.
